Rufus
by Conrad Phillips
Wasn’t Rufus a man, and weren’t men meant to look up at the sky and wonder? Shouldn’t he set out in search of his deep, world-encompassing desires? There were only so many times he could tell himself that at least he had his job, and life was not meant to be spent stealing other people’s pencils. Even with all the years he had spent keeping himself in shape, all he had now in his body was an ultimately unwise investment. He should stop worrying and start living. He should start listening to the deepest, most inward parts of himself. He should follow his soul, which, so far as he knew, could never lead him wrong.
Hey Tom. How have you been? I havent been in my apartment for awhile and I dont if anyone’s tried to call me. Do you know? Ive been travelling, not very far not yet. I havent tried it in awhile and I need to get my legs. But its real good to try things I think I want to do and find out if I really want to do them. Im working at a computer in a library right now. I dont have a lot of time. There are things to do. Let me know how youre doing.
“You can’t take one loss and run with it. It was just a client, and we didn’t even lose the client. I mean, when people lose jobs, when children lose their toys, when fucking rats lose their cheese, they all go looking for more jobs, more toys, more . . . cheese. No . . . we all gotta pull that parachute out, that support line, we just have to find out what that is. If you just think about what you actually want, not this soul stuff, I’m talking material stuff, stuff you can hold in your hand. If you can just think about it hard enough, and think about how badly you really want it, and I know you want it, otherwise you wouldn’t have been working as hard as you have for so long, if you can think about those goals and those achievements sitting there in the palm of your hand, they will come to you, and you’ll be happy. It won’t be magic, they won’t just magically appear, but just by thinking about them, you’ll focus on them more, and without even knowing it you’ll work harder to get them. Just keep thinking about how good life could be, and life will be good. That kind of thinking has gotten a lot of people a long way, and, so far as I can see, any other kind of thinking, like thinking negatively or thinking about things that may or may not exist, only leads to failure and suffering.”